Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story – Review

The beast, the ghosts, Bertie and Flora - phot credit Steve Gregson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This festive season, the award-winning panto pioneers He’s Behind You! have returned to Charing Cross Theatre with a gloriously queer twist on a classic tale. Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story is set in the frostbitten Scottish village of Lickmanochers, where Bertie (Matt Kennedy) dreams of escaping his sleepy life as a fisherman and part-time worker in his mother Flora's petrol station—and maybe finding a proper relationship - something more than a fling with a passing tourist in the NC500 route. His twin sister Bonnie also dreams of finding a 'real lesbian', seemingly in short supply in the Highlands. But when their mammy Flora (Matthew Baldwin) is whisked away to a haunted castle, Bertie embarks on a rescue mission that spirals into a bawdy enemies-to-lovers romp with the brooding Beast, Charlie (Keanu Adolphus Johnson).

From the start, Kennedy charms in a rugged fisherman’s outfit, all innocence and dreams. Later, when he reappears in a yellow kilt, the audience audibly gasps—showing that you really can't beat a man in a kilt for sexiness! Johnson’s Beast is moody and magnetic, transforming finally into a handsome heartthrob with theatrical flair. Their chemistry anchors the chaos, but the supporting cast brings its own magic.

Matthew Baldwin as Flora is the beating heart of this production. A seasoned Dame, 'another year, another accent to master' Baldwin delivers razor-sharp timing and flamboyant energy, never spread too thin. His costumes—crafted by Robert Draper—are nothing short of spectacular: sculptural teapot couture one minute, monstrous tartan glamour the next. Each look is a showstopper, elevating Baldwin’s performance into pure panto artistry.

Laura Anna-Read’s Bonnie adds sweetness with her children’s-TV-presenter vibe, while her sapphic subplot with Aussie enchantress Juno complete with Sydney Opera House shoulder pads (Dani Mirels) brings warmth and wit. How she managed in those ky high heels was indeed a Christmas miracle.

Chris Lane’s Cornelius oozes villainy with oil-rig scheming and moustachioed menace, while the ensemble (including Ben Mabberley, Owen Arkrow, and Olivia-Grace Weaver) keeps the energy high with slick choreography from Carole Todd.

The design team deserves applause: David Shields’ set morphs from petrol station to haunted castle with anarchic charm—yes, it wobbles, but that only adds to the fun. Draper’s costumes are a riot of tartan-punk fantasy, Loch Ness-inspired gowns, and audacious flourishes that make this production visually irresistible.

Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper’s script is packed with innuendo, pop-culture nods, and bawdy brilliance—naughty but never crude. Original songs parody Disney classics with wicked glee: “Be Our Slave” and a disco-fied “In the Navy” had the audience roaring. The NC500 gag hit home for us (as regular Skye visitors, we know those remote petrol stations!), though they missed a trick by not skewering camper vans—locals would have loved that.

Under Andrew Beckett’s direction, this adults-only panto romcom is epically silly, outrageously camp, and surprisingly heartfelt. Beneath the tartan and teasing lies a story about identity, love, and finding joy in chaos.

Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story runs at Charing Cross Theatre until 11 January 2026.

Tickets: https://charingcrosstheatre.co.uk.

Strictly 18+, contains swearing, sexual themes, and flashing lights.

Book now—before the Beast disappears back to the Highlands!